1. avatar Shane
    From Reuters:

    "International athlete and Einstein denier Stephen Hawking has recently become crippled. The long-jump star and British tennis hopeful fell ill on Tuesday night and was wheeled to hospital by his friend and mentor Alfred Nobel.
    Best known for his eloquent and expressive, uplifting oratory, Hawking was on one of his famous cocaine blizzathons when he complained of movement pain. According to Brian Blessed, the world record sprinter is said to be in a stable, in a manger, somewhere in a hospital.
    Hawking first shot to fame in 1976 when he won silver at Baton-Wielding in the Summer Olympics. A year later, he beat world Egg-Frying champion Goeff Capes in the bi-annual North Sea Whaling rally, but fell silently into seclusion afterwards, and hasn't been seen eversince.
    In 2007, he won Mrs Universe.
    When he dies soon, he will be remembered by his friends, his family, and those who died before him.
    Oliver Reid said, 'I have never seen a man that was more willing to consume. He will always be in my hearth.'
    Bob Dylan, a friend of Hawking's throughout the 80s, said, 'Thank fuck that fucker's gone and away. I thought it woulda happened years ago.'
    The Dalai Lama made no comment.
    Hawking is survived by his four wives, anyone else who is alive, and Doctor Who."
    Last edited on , 1 times in total.
  2. avatar The Natural
    Brilliant.
    Anyone else got any funny stories about crippled geniuses?
    Maybe Robert Wyatt, because he's in a wheelchair too.
  3. avatar p-t-rebel-mc
    You are minus craic!
  4. avatar Malco
    I consider myself quite liberal with humour, no subject is off limits- even Steven Hawking. But do try to be funny next time you sleg him.
  5. avatar marr-is-god
    Unfunny to be honest.
  6. avatar remaderyan
    You, sir, are as funny as cancer.

    ie not very.

    Jokes are *Supposed* to be funny.

    Hawking has done more for the human race than you will ever, maybe you could try harder next time?


    fool.
  7. avatar Shane
    [quote:e8cd9ae0c5="remaderyan"]You, sir, are as funny as cancer.

    ie not very.

    Jokes are *Supposed* to be funny.

    Hawking has done more for the human race than you will ever, maybe you could try harder next time?


    fool.[/quote:e8cd9ae0c5]

    I hope you're not fuckin serious. Is this funnier then?

    http://fastfude.org/topic.php?id=33942&start=15

    You are all a bunch of fucking hypocrites. Stephen Hawking himself would have seen the joke in what I posted.

    I am very well aware of what Hawking has done for scientific thinking. The man hasn't been able to smile for most of his life, shrinking with his disability, and I think the least he would expect is for us all to have grown some sort of sense of humour. The first few responses I could understand - relatively new members to Fastfude - but remaderyan, you have been on for quite a while, and should know to NEVER to take anything I say to heart.

    Fuck this, and all who sail in it.
  8. avatar remaderyan
    Actually no. your just a twat.

    Didnt post there and i think you crossed the line a bit tbh.
  9. avatar Shane
    [quote:746f0dbdbd="remaderyan"]Actually no. your just a twat.

    Didnt post there and i think you crossed the line a bit tbh.[/quote:746f0dbdbd]

    Are you high?
  10. avatar remaderyan
    Actually sorta.

    Shouldnt have called you a twat. for that i'm sorry.

    but still didnt like the joke. :-)
  11. avatar Shane
    [quote:91537aa714="remaderyan"]Actually sorta.

    Shouldnt have called you a twat. for that i'm sorry.

    but still didnt like the joke. :-)[/quote:91537aa714]

    It wasn't really a joke - I see it more as a Chris Morrisesque news article. Sorry if it offended anyone...
  12. avatar Shane
    My brother recently heard that a certain guitarist passed on, and sent me this -

    "italian comedian and trampoline enthusiast jimi hendrix has died aged 84 in a bizzare hanging incident. he was hanging a photograph of himself on his bedroom wall when the rope he was using as a ladder fell round his neck. a neighbour reported seeing jimi happily playing on his trampoline in the back garden a few hours earlier. the trampoline was unavailable for comment. jimi is best remembered for his song "hit me baby one more time", a song about how tina turner enjoyed being hit by Ike."

    Where would you be without hangovers? :lol:
  13. avatar himynameissween
    i refer you to my comment on the other thread, about hell, and me bus driving.
  14. avatar Shane
    [quote:cafaf7e3aa="himynameissween"]i refer you to my comment on the other thread, about hell, and me bus driving.[/quote:cafaf7e3aa]

    Āmīn.
  15. avatar supershedseven
    Your all bullies!!!

    Im sure Stephen gets this kind of abuse all the time...

    Im sure he's tired of getting pushed around .. :lol:
  16. avatar The Natural
    [quote:79560eeeb7]You are all a bunch of fucking hypocrites. Stephen Hawking himself would have seen the joke in what I posted.

    I am very well aware of what Hawking has done for scientific thinking. The man hasn't been able to smile for most of his life, shrinking with his disability, and I think the least he would expect is for us all to have grown some sort of sense of humour. The first few responses I could understand - relatively new members to Fastfude - but remaderyan, you have been on for quite a while, and should know to NEVER to take anything I say to heart.[/quote:79560eeeb7]

    Now the above actually is funny. Unintentionally.
    All this [i:79560eeeb7]and[/i:79560eeeb7] the ability to speak for Stephen Hawking himself.
    We are truly fucking blessed.
  17. avatar abze
    [quote:2ee534322b]You are all a bunch of fucking hypocrites.[/quote:2ee534322b]
    Yes, every single registered member of Fastfude is a hypocrite.

    [quote:2ee534322b]Stephen Hawking himself would have seen the joke in what I posted.[/quote:2ee534322b]
    From your recent interview obviously?

    [quote:2ee534322b] The first few responses I could understand - relatively new members to Fastfude - but remaderyan, you have been on for quite a while, and should know to NEVER to take anything I say to heart.[/quote:2ee534322b]

    I've been posting since 1999 and, to be honest, I think you are a complete f*cking tool to think that your snidey defences of a sh*te joke represent nothing but a thinly veiled retraction. You've obviously realised from your first post that...maybe it was a mistake? But rather than growing some balls and admitting it, you're covering up with such shite as [quote:2ee534322b]Stephen Hawking himself would have seen the joke in what I posted.[/quote:2ee534322b]

    So have you ever had a paraplegic family member? Or maybe a disabled child? Ever had your partner brought in at 25 weeks thinking that she was about to give birth to a severely disabled child? No?

    Thought not, you f*cking pr*ck.
  18. avatar Shane
    [quote:5d7f679075="abze"]So have you ever had a paraplegic family member? ...No?[/quote:5d7f679075]

    Yes I have actually, and in worse condition than Mr Hawking, you presumptious f*ck.


    Sorry again if I've offended anyone. I feel that I should point out again though that there is another thread on this site on Hawking which could be seen as quite offensive too.
  19. avatar my-angel-rocks
    The only offensive thing in this thread was the lack of humour. Apart from that "tired of being pushed around" joke. That was good
  20. avatar I'mDead
    Yes but isn't his wheelchair motorised?

    Tune in next week for the racism thread.
  21. avatar Shane
    Comedy Legend dies of Swine Flu.



    Bea Arthur, best known for her roles on shows like the “Golden Girls” and for her devastating axe kick, passed away peacefully in her sleep this weekend, following a long, courageous battle with Colombian drug lords. She was 86.

    Born in an era where the average television was the size of two horses and prohibitively expensive, Arthur was forced to wait several years for her big break perfecting her skills on the useless theatrical stage. Her first television role was on All in the Family, where she portrayed Maude Findlay, a strident feminist and counterpoint to the conservative Archie Bunker. America was so delighted at seeing a television character not actively throwing rocks at Pakistanis, that CBS executives immediately created a new show for this character immediately. Maude, as the show was moronically called, was the exact antithesis of All in the Family, and fearlessly explored liberal issues of the day, like whether long hair was acceptable on men who perform abortions.

    Arthur’s most famous role was that of Dorothy on Golden Girls, where she shared a house with her elderly mother and two friends. The show was celebrated for its open discussions of senior’s sexuality. Dorothy’s famous catchphrase “I’d let that slam me for a dollar” caught the public imagination in the summer of 1988, and would later become the official slogan of the Dukakis presidential campaign.

    In private life, Arthur was a well known activist for animals’ rights and a promoter of underground fights in high-end Los Angeles area night spots. A committed method actor, Arthur–famous for her portrayal of old women–would often stay in character as an old woman for years at a time, much to the delight of friends and family.